How Dumb Are
You
Hello for 11-99
By: Mike Lipshultz
Mike@biznetonline.com
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How Dumb Are
You |
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Are You
Exploding To Make That Call????
Oh, And Are
Cell Phones Dangerous?????
I can’t
believe I’m sitting here writing about dumb things and Cell Phones.
I really am
starting to believe that before you can buy or use a Cell phone you must pass an
IQ Test, or at least demonstrate that:
1.)
You have a brain.
2.)
You know how to use it.
Look, unless
the world really does revolve around you, then :
1.)
There are times when you should not use your Cell Phone!
2.)
If your not sure on if the world does or does not revolve around you,
then look for your profession on this list :
The Pope
President of a Major Country (Like the United States)
Dictator of any country ( even small ones count, ‘cuz who wants to
fight
with a Dictator)
If your
profession was not on the above list, then, the world does
not revolve around you, and you do not have the right to use you Cell Phone anywhere
you want to!
So, it
should go without saying; learn how to turn the damn thing off and use the off
button in places like:
·
Any place of worship, or other “Holy” places
·
In court. If you don’t think so, you should see
the collection of phones the local bailiff has.
·
During a live play, or even at the movies, or other
Theatrical event.
·
When driving in heavy or demanding traffic.
·
When a police officer is standing at your
driver’s window giving you a ticket.
·
Any place were using it is going to piss off people
bigger then you, that can “kick” your butt (in other words don’t use your
phone if it is going to annoy and/or piss off the people around you).
·
In a hospital, in the operating room, especially if you’re the doctor, and you have a “surgical
probe” up someone’s butt.........
O.K., so you
think the last one is a little silly? Maybe over the top?, Totally ridicules?????
Tell that to
the poor slob in a Hong Kong Hospital, that had his colon pierced while his
doctor was talking on his cell phone about buying a car, and operating at the
same time!
Don’t
believe me. Here is where I read
it.
http://www.scmp.com/News/HongKong/Article/FullText_asp_ArticleID-19991027013317060.asp
Look use
your brain. Cell phones are
extremely dangerous to both your health and livelihood if you use them without
thinking. Not to mention the bodywork of the cars around you!!!!!!
Brain Damage Due To Cell Phones!
Who cares!
Look, I
don’t know if the things radiate your brains and/or give you Cancer or not.
I don’t believe anyone really knows at this time or not.
Who knows; maybe they do? Maybe they don’t?????
The point is
who cares. I know, how can I say that? Easy, I know that using a Cell
phone by holding it in my hand and up to my face or by twisting my neck to hold
it in place is so dangerous, that I will probably kill myself by talking on the
Cell phone, when driving, that I’ll never live to get Cancer....
That’s why
I use a hands-free kit in my car. Say
you can’t afford a hands-free kit? You
move from car to car???? Then spend
$30.00 and get a headset. Look, it
makes the phone easier to use. You
can hear the other person better, and you will be safer.
Believe me,
the last thing you want to be saying in a deposition is about how you were
holding the phone up to your head when bang!
Next thing you know, a car accident.
Even if you
are the best and safest driver, the other side is going to point out, that with
the phone and your arm up to the side of your head, half of your side vision is
totally blocked ... etc..... But,
if you can reply that your vision was not blocked, as you had a small headset
on; and in fact you had a great view, and talking on the phone, with a headset
is the same as talking to a passenger.... etc.....
I hope
you’re getting the Idea. Using a
Cell phone is not a totally brainless act.
Think before you dial.... OK....
Now Lets
Talk About Brainless Acts....
Use A Cell
Phone Blow Up A Gas Station!!!!!!
Let’s all
just believe the above. Now don’t
think about it. Just believe it.
Cell Phones Blow Up Gas Stations!!!!!
Now to make
things even more fun, lets pretend we are in the city government and start
passing laws to protect gas stations from Cell phones.
Yes, even
your elected officials do dumb things (I know, you’re like, totally shocked).
So, am I pulling your chain??? No! One city is taking action to outlaw
Cell phones at the pumps. Even though in reality there is no danger.
Think I can’t prove it?
Read about
the city here: http://www.darwinawards.com/main_september.html’;
and here: http://snopes.com/spoons/faxlore/gasvapor.htm
Get the
truth here: http://www.wow-com.com/news/ctiapress/body.cfm?record_id=407
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