More On Dumb Customer Service RepsÖ NOT
BizNet Looks At The Other Side Of The CoinÖ   Stupid Customers!

For all of you customer service reps that are tired of my complaining about stupid customer service reps, this oneís for you!  Lets talk about stupid Customers!

All the stories I am about to tell you are true.  Only the identities have been changed to protect the truly stupid.

Thank you for calling how can I help you?

I want you to stop sending your stupid mail to me.  Donít ever deliver it to my house again!

May I please have your name so I can help you?

No, Iím not telling you my name.  The mail does not have my name on it so you donít need my name!

If I understand you, you are getting mail addressed to someone else and you want it to stop.

Yes, do not ever send me another piece of your mail, or I will sue your company!

If you give me your address I will remove it from the system.

Thatís not going to help, you stupid Ass!

Iím sorry sir.  Iím just trying to help you. If you donít tell me your address I canít stop the mailing.

Iím not telling you my addressÖ you donít need it.  The mail youíre sending is not addressed to my address.

Tell me if I have this right.  Youíre getting mail addressed to someone other than you, addressed to another street address and the post office is putting it in your mailbox?

Yes! Now stop it or I will call the Police.

Have you told the Post Office that they are delivering the mail to you by mistake?

No! Youíre sending it. You stop it!

If itís not your mail, what are you doing with it?

Iím reading it.

Why would you read mail thatís not addressed to you?

So I can find out who is harassing me and tell them to stop sending this mail.

Iím sorry sir, but you need to talk to the Post Office about this.

The caller then gets mad and hangs up.  Calls back demanding to talk to the owner of the company, then hangs up after stating that they are reporting us to the Postal InspectorsÖ.

And another one.

Thank you for calling, how can I help you?

I want to talk to Mark.

Please hold and I will put your call though to his office.

No, do not put me on hold.  I will not hold!

Sir, I need to put you on hold so I can transfer the call to Markís office.  If I do not put you on hold I canít transfer the call.

How long will I be on hold?

Less time then we have been talking.  All I do is hit the hold button, then Markís Extension.  You will hear his line ringing right away.

How fast will Mark answer the line?

I donít know sir.  I would expect in a ring or two.

You donít know exactly!  Then Do Not Put Me On Hold!

Sir, if I canít put you on hold, I cannot put your call though.  Also I will have to hang up on you, as I have other calls to take.

Are you threatening me!  Why donít you just do your job, and put Mark on the phone.

Sir, I would be happy to put Mark on the Line for you, but to do so I have to first put you on hold.  This is an office.  I canít just put the phone down and bring Mark over to my phone.

So, youíre not going to help me!

Iím sorry sir Iím trying to do that.

Let me talk to your boss!

Yes sir, if you hold Iíll put the call though.

Look you #%@#$ I told you donít put me on hold!

Yes sir.  If you give me your name and number I will have both Mark and my boss call you.

When will they call?

I will give them your information as soon as we get off the line.

No Iím not hanging up. I demand to talk to Mark.

Sir do you wish to complain about me and have me fired?

Yes!

O.K., just send a letter to our address and complain about this call.

Iím going to do that!

The caller then hung up.  No letter was received.  Too bad.  We were looking forward to reading it.
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Last modified: November 08, 2002