I know
this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet. By: Billet Doux |
I was on my way to the post
office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an
e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is
"MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a
young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of
Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's
no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made
them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub
and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub
he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror
that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it
was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all
the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie
recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week
in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free
Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I
know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing
kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly
gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then
reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle
around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS."
Luckily he was only a few
blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer
is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail
and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail
he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's
in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people,
you will have good luck but for 10 people only you will only have OK luck and if
you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy
tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car
driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and
was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the
friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&M’s.
If you don't send it, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his
Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick from the
Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your
spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs
the pores under your arms, and the US government will put a tax on your e-mails
forever.
I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.
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Last modified: November 08, 2002